Guppy's Funeral

Sorry that this one will be quite long, but it is the text of the funeral homily I gave for my grandmother on July 7th, 2009 in Monticello, Florida:

Welcome, family and friends of Louise Sherrod Bassett, known to friends as Louise, to her sons as “Mom,” and to many of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren affectionately as “Guppy.” I believe the latter name derives from one of the grandchildren’s mispronunciation of “grandmother.” Two years ago we memorialized Henry Burt Bassett, Dad or “Pop” to us grandchildren – and today we can rejoice together that these two, bound by such an amazing love for 65 years, are reunited once again. In that they were so inseparably linked in life, it is fitting that we lay them to rest together in our own hearts and thoughts, as well as physically, here today.

I do wish to take just a moment to recognize some special friends on behalf of the family: Marilyn and Nelson Lunn, her neighbors for so many years who have helped look after both Pop and Guppy as they declined in their later years, and especially Aunt Carrie, and "all of the caretakers" who helped with her care, particularly Lana whom we could not have done without. Also, Guppy’s very best friend for 75 years, Sue (from Madison). On behalf of each of the Bassetts, we owe you a debt of gratitude beyond words.

I would also like to thank each of you for coming, as I know you could be at home, preparing your living rooms for an epic funeral for the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. I recall another mismatched set of funerals a dozen or so years ago, when the world was riveted, watching Princess Diana’s funeral, while in a less-lauded venue, Mother Theresa was being laid to rest with much less fanfare. In much the same way as then, I believe there is one here being remembered who spent her life touching people in sublime and subtle ways while the world pays attention to the passing of someone whose deeds may seem superior, but whose character and personal reach is simply no match.

Henry David Thoreau once said, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to their graves with the song still in them.” I believe he would agree with me that many – perhaps many millions – lead quiet, understated, superlative lives that go unnoticed by the masses, whose attention is drawn by the dozens who lead lives of strident, cacophonous, yet vacuous glamour. The passing of Guppy and Pop may not attract media and crowds, but their lives attracted the attention and admiration of all who knew them.

As a minister I have performed dozens of funerals and memorial services, yet I still find that delivering a homily for a loved one is the most difficult of tasks. So, to ease my load, please let me share a story I know Guppy would have enjoyed.

Two brothers growing up together in a small town became notorious over the years for their low character. They were well-known as thieves, liars, philanderers and general all-around scoundrels. They lived completely reprobate lives and as adults learned to cheat in business, making themselves quite wealthy in the process. When one of the brothers passed away, the other went to meet with the minister, whom he had hired to perform the funeral. He approached him with an offer: “Pastor, I have just one request for my brother. I will pay you any amount you wish – you just name your price – if you will only do one thing. Simply say that my brother was a saint.

So the preacher wrestled over the idea long and hard and, in his message, he offered this: “This man you see lying in this coffin today was a scoundrel. He was without shame, a merciless tyrant, a corrupt businessman, a drunkard, a carouser and a profligate – But compared to his brother, he was a saint.”

It won’t take any great craft to come up with words to express the love and appreciation we all share for Guppy here today. Neither will I need to speak only for myself, as I have had some kind remembrances offered to help in this task. Burt and Louise shared a truly epic love story, from their romance until their parting two years ago. Uncle Jeff and I share a love for the account of their betrothal offered in the book, The Men of the Gambier Bay:

"In Jacksonville, Florida, Louise Sherrod heard the news of the bombing of Pearl Harbor when she idly switched on the radio. She was at home, and bored, because a few months earlier she had broken off a romance with Ensign Burt Bassett. Restlessly, she moved around the house, trying to get her thoughts together. She waited for more information about the bombings, but there was no information. The cloak of secrecy had been brought down to mask the terrible extent of the damage, which had immobilized the American battleship fleet. Louise Sherrod decided to go to the movies to take her mind off the terrible news. Halfway through the show, the picture was interrupted by an announcement: "All service men report at once to your stations." When fully half the audience stood up, Louise Sherrod suddenly realized that the bombing of Pearl Harbor had put an end to a period of her life. She thought of Ensign Burt Bassett, to whom she had not written once since their quarrel. How could a girl sacrifice her pride, she had said. But on Pearl Harbor day pride no longer mattered. She went home and wrote Burt a postcard which said, "I still love you." By return mail he wrote, asking her to marry him."

When I reflect on the communications I now share with my wife from Afghanistan to Seattle, it is a wonder to me that such a romance could grow in the absence of webcams and emails. When I posed the idea of weeks of delay in written communications, my children could not imagine the hardships endured by such a young relationship.

But that is how it all began. Uncle Jeff has had the opportunity to explore Guppy’s papers and unearthed a number of letters she wrote to Pop between his marriage proposal and her traveling to Corpus Christi, Texas to get married on Feb 28, 1942. She was so excited about everything and so in love. A letter from Pop, dated April 28, 1942, from him to Guppy’s mother, whom he barely knew at that point, included this quote: "The last two months have been the happiest I have ever spent. Louise and I are the most congenial couple you have ever seen. We seem to have identical ideas about life and ambitions for the future." He went on to say, "If all of your children are as fine as Louise, Mother, you have a lot for which you should be proud. She has the best disposition, the sweetest personality, and the most outstanding traits of character I have ever seen. It isn't necessary for me to tell you how much I love her."

There is little question that what Pop wrote of Guppy’s character remained true throughout her life and was a hallmark statement of her very being. Anyone who knew either her or Pop knew of their kindness, their love for one another and for others, and their constant, steady and unwavering character. Indeed, of all of the characteristics that the Bible illuminates for the reader, love is the foremost – and in my estimation, love best characterized what Guppy and Pop expressed with their lives.

Growing up a Bassett, their five sons could not help but note that Guppy and Pop were always very affectionate towards each other. Kissing in the kitchen was commonplace, as was holding hands. Not much changed in that respect over the 65 years of their marriage. Lana more than once heard Guppy singing "You are My Sunshine" to Pop during the last months of his life. I recall Guppy’s singing voice on every visit, singing that song, or “Off we go, into the wild blue yonder…” or the often embarrassing, “I love you…a bushel and a peck…and a hug around the neck.”

Guppy always had a great sense of humor. She didn't tell jokes or make wisecracks; she would simply catch you off guard with some almost out-of-character, witty statement during a conversation – especially following a cocktail or glass of wine with dinner. She loved to dance. No one who experienced it will ever forget visiting their home and enduring the television duels, when you might be in one t.v. room, watching news or sports and they would be in the other, getting their daily dose of Lawrence Welk at ear-splitting volumes so they could hear it. If you were blessed, as I once was, you may have seen them actually enjoy a brief dance together to a big band tune.

Pop called Guppy "Sherrod" (her maiden name) from the time he first started dating her until he died. They also called each other “Darling” often. In the last year of his life (and perhaps before), Pop would write Guppy little love notes on scraps of paper. She has kept many of these among her papers.

The passing of both Pop and Guppy is a milestone for many of us. As Jeff, John and I reflected a couple of days ago, for this part of the Bassett clan there is no longer a meeting place. Pop and Guppy for years provided that central place where we would all gather – a place where we knew we had safe harbor, an anchorage for our familial ties. They were truly the patriarch and matriarch of the family. And now their season has passed, along with the generation that endured so much to bring about the prosperity we now enjoy – and largely take for granted. The sacrifices of this passing, and truly “greatest,” generation, have brought us to luxuries unimaginable in their day – and sadly, the depth and brilliance of those sacrifices seem to be fading from the collective conscience of the newest generations.

It is unavoidable at funerals that our hearts are likely brought to the understanding that this life is not permanent. Of all of the surveys taken these days, one has captured my attention in its comprehensive nature: 10 out of 10 people surveyed – die. The writer of Ecclesiastes reminds us that “There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven – A time to give birth and a time to die…” and he further points out that so many of the pursuits of this life are “vanity, a striving after the wind.”

It is when we are confronted with our own mortality, the inevitability of the end of life, that we finally pause and take stock of our lives. We begin to ask the ultimate questions, including what lies beyond this life?, have I lived well?, and what are the important things in life that remain before my time comes?…

The Apostle Paul gives us many directions for living a life pleasing to God, concluding his discussion with the admonishment: “And I show you a still more excellent way.” …and I believe this “way” was exemplified in the lives of both Pop and Guppy and its reading constitutes a fitting tribute to them…

1 Cor. 13:
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails… 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I believe that the enduring legacy left by both Guppy and Pop is that of love. Indeed, in a cherished last walk I took with Pop, just two months before he passed away, I received his advice for life. Through the moisten and severe eyes of a wizened old man who wanted to get his point across to a younger generation, and knowing his time was short, he told me, “Chris, love well.”

And this is the crux of the Gospel message: Love well. If we profess to seek God, or dare to profess that we might know Him, we must love. As the Apostle John wrote:

1 John 4:
7Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. 8The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
9By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him.
10In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
11Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

And as we face our own mortalities, we have many great and precious promises from God, who first loved us and who desires to be known by us. So as we conclude this ceremony, let us focus on the promise of life eternal, and on the love that will one day bring us safely home:

Romans 8
11And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you.
24For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?

35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

PRAYER: Gracious Heavenly Father, Today we commit to you Louise Sherrod Bassett and her husband in this life, Henry Burt Bassett. Both of them have already entered into your presence, so we gather here only to remember them and to commit them to you in our hearts. Theirs were truly lives whose song has not died with them, for it lives in each of us who were touched by their lives. We thank you for their love, their grace and their legacy. Help us to wear it well, Father. Help us to carry their memory in our thoughts, our character and our lives. To honor them, Lord, grant us your Spirit that we may live out that impassioned advice and “Love well.” Comfort us as we mourn, guide us as we seek you, and lead us in the way everlasting. We ask these things in the name of your son, Jesus Christ, our Lord, Amen.