Humility

My favorite quote on humility comes from Winston Churchill, who when asked about the Socialist politician on the other side of the political spectrum from him, Clement Attlee, said he was, "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."

Humility has never been my strong suit. Most of my readers will understand this. I have always had a deep inner struggle with trying to attain humility. Some may be surprised that I have struggled at all and, at times, I wonder if I have not succumbed to pride far more often than I have exhibited humility. Confession is good for the soul, so there it is.

In truth, my pride stems more from a deep sense of worry that I may not amount to all that is expected of me - and that itself is prideful, as I should even wonder why I think anyone expects much of me to begin with. It is even my own pride that makes me expect too much of myself.

I have been blessed with so many people around me who have taught me so many lessons that I wish I could take on with more aplomb. Bill, the mentor and leader of our high school singing group, "Sound Advice," taught me patience - and I made him exhibit that trait often - even while quietly struggling with cancer. MSG Moreno in ROTC taught me to stop whining and get my priorities straight. My grandfather taught me to grow old with grace, turning my concern out toward others, rather than inward upon myself, with each day I am given. My detective partner, Megan, taught me many not-so-subtle lessons about my pride by calling me on it without fear.

And now it is easy to wonder why I should lead anything, given the amazing people God has placed about me. My wife has taught me submission with such beauty and kindness. My co-pastor, Doug, has taught me not to respond so quickly, but to thoughtfully consider my words and attitudes. My partner in leadership, Jeff, has taught me to give everything to God, through the frail, human institutions he has created, without complaint or a desire to control. Doug's wife, Toni, has taught me that it's never too late to learn at the feet of Jesus. Jeff's wife, Val, has taught me a depth of compassion that is fiercely loyal to those in need.

So why don't those lessons show, you ask? I ask the same thing. I do know that I am not the same man I once was. I know that I am moving forward from the last lesson, even though the current lessons seem to me such painful reminders that I haven't yet attained the character I desire. I know that in 20 years, I will be further along the path...yet still learning lessons that will strike just as deftly at my pride.

I trust that the progress will continue, with the Holy Spirit's gentle guidance. And I pray that, as it does, God will surround me still with wonderful people who will give me the grace to grow in the direction Jesus is leading.