Guilty Grateful

In Memoriam, CH (CPT) Dale Goetz, KIA 30 AUG 2010, Kandahar Province, Afghanistan

We all ask why. We all feel guilty for feeling grateful when it didn't happen to us. I can't tell you if I rode the same roads as CH Goetz did, but I can tell you I have travelled enough dangerous Afghan and Iraqi roads, flew enough of their airspace, to ask "Why not me?" So as I heard about CH Goetz, I wonder the same things you do - about God's protection and His decision as to when to withhold it. How does He know which random ravages of sin to allow to impact His people and which to quash? Why are some healed and some not?

The first loss of a chaplain to combat since Viet Nam reminds me of how closely I have tread to the presence of God. It also removes the sheen of impenetrability of the corps. It reminds me of our identification with the world still mired in sin - we still suffer the same fate, regardless of our position before God concerning our salvation.

Only the consolation that, "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." brings comfort. I will meet CH Goetz one day. I will thank him for his sacrifice. In some way I will be forgiven for not being the one myself. No, I'm not suffering the PTSD version of survivor's guilt, but simply making the same queryies that all of us should make concerning this: What ought we to do with our lives now that will make that loss worthwhile? How now shall we live?